Alien Downlink

This week’s signal seems to indicate that the aliens are aware of the human fascination with drugs of all sorts, legal and illegal, and the hypocrisy which surrounds their use. We at the Institute wonder if they still make use of pharmaceuticals on their planet or if they have evolved beyond that and see us as still very primitive.

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And the lyrics:

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“…and earlier today, federal agents raided a house suspected of being at the center of a local marijuana growing operation. The bust yielded five marijuana plants and also resulted in the arrest of the home’s owner, a 76 year-old grandmother who had to be rushed to the hospital after agents mistook her cup of tea for a handgun and shot her 24 times.”

Don’t do drugs! Unless it’s…
Ibuprofen, codeine, morphine, oxycodone, cephalexin, sertraline, prednisolone
They’ll make ya feel good!
Methadone, diazepam, hydrocodone, lidocaine, sildenafil citrate
Your wife says that you should!
Side effects may include anxiety, sweating, headaches, and a week of blurry vision.
But it’s alright because your pusher wrote your prescription.

Aspirin, minoxidil, dopamine, alprazolam, doxycycline, novocaine
Everything is alright.
Acetaminophen, Vardenafil, Tadalafil, tetracycline, duloxetine
You can have a good night.
Side effects may include suicidal thoughts and a 90% risk of addiction.
But it’s alright because your pusher wrote your prescription.

Have a headache… take this.
Can’t sit still… take this.
Feeling sad… take this.
Hang out with friends… drink this.
Losing hair… take this.
Can’t sleep at night… take this.

Don’t do drugs! Unless it’s…
Whiskey, Vodka, Champagne, Red wine, Brandy, Rum, Tequila, Sherry, White wine, beer, scotch, and gin
Welcome to the club.
Ibuprofen, codeine, morphine, oxycodone, cephalexin, sertraline, prednisolone
They’ll make ya feel good!
Side effects may include liver damage, puking, and a total lack of inhibition.
But it’s alright because your pusher wrote your prescription.

Have a headache… take this.
Can’t sit still… take this.
Feeling sad… take this.
Hang out with friends… drink this.
Losing hair… take this.
Can’t sleep at night… take this.

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Look for the next signal translation very soon…